Challenge 1: It doesn’t have to be perfect

Doing the right study and the best (side) job, never leaving the house without the perfect look, great social posts, and popular with everyone. You never make mistakes, because it feels like failure, and you do not fail! You might think: “this is crazy, nobody can have everything”. But many young people think they must live up to this standard. Our society is focused on performance, and it often feels like there is no room for mistakes. We feel responsible for our own happiness, and we constantly think about the future. ‘What-if…?!’. We overachieve to make sure we succeed. ‘I must and I will!’. Altogether, this leads to so much pressure, it seems impossible not to feel too much stress.

Take a deep breath. Today we’re going to do things differently. Because making mistakes is okay, in fact, it is necessary to grow! The assignments below help you deal with perfectionism and realize that not everything must be perfect. We also give tips on how to accept yourself and build your self-esteem.

Assignment 1. Understand your own perfectionism

Make a list of things you need to be perfect at. Write them on a piece of paper or download this pdf.

Look at the list, wat do you see? Are most things related to your study or work, or do you also want to be perfect in other areas of your life? Do you want to be the perfect partner or friend? Do you want a perfectly tidy house and lots of likes and comments on social media?

Go through the list and ask yourself the following questions:

• Why does this have to be perfect?
• Do you want to do this perfectly or do you think other people expect you to, or both?
• If it isn’t done perfectly, is that okay too?
• Is this my responsibility? (If it isn’t, then don’t do it)
   

Assignment 2. Achieve more by doing less

Now that you know when your perfectionism gets in the way, you’re going to try to let go of control a little bit. Let’s see what happens. For example: spend the day a little less productive, be a little bit less polite for once, or arrive late to an appointment…

This way you discover that whatever you feared, probably didn’t happen or that you were able to handle the situation very well. You might find out that if you try a little less hard, you can achieve the same thing or even more. With less pressure on yourself, you have more space to try.

And keep in mind: if something goes wrong, you will probably be able to fix it. You learn from your mistakes. Mistakes give you new insights and open possibilities which you hadn’t seen before.
 

Tips to build your confidence and self-acceptance

If you are confident and accept yourself for who you are, you often feel less pressure to perform and you allow yourself to make more mistakes. Confidence and self-acceptance can’t be achieved overnight. But you can work on them. For example, you can build confidence by taking on challenges. Don’t avoid the things you find scary. Start easy, and make sure that your goal is achievable. This way you experience the feeling of success, and you gain confidence that next time you will succeed again. Keep challenging yourself. Every time you take on a challenge, your confidence will grow. These tips will help:

• Before starting your challenge, imagine that you will succeed. This gives you a powerful feeling, and you will start the challenge with a positive mindset.
• Believe that you can grow. If you are confident in your ability to improve, you won’t give up when something doesn’t go well, and you will see the challenge as a possibility to grow.

Remember: you are you and you are good enough! Nobody is perfect, so why would you have to be? Isn’t it a waste of your time and energy to constantly think about what you ‘have’ to do, to always aim higher, and to constantly think about the next step? These thoughts keep you dissatisfied with yourself. Don’t forget that learning to accept yourself is a life-long process. And that process too does not have to be perfect!

Do you feel a lot of pressure to perform, and do you want personal help or advice? Reach out (anonymously) to one of our staff members at our helpdesk MIND Korrelatie. You can call, chat, Whatsapp, or e-mail with one of our psychologists or social workers.